Should you forgive a cheating husband? Perhaps your friends and family members are telling you that you should divorce the cheating loser, but no one can make this decision except you. Only you know what is best for you. Don't be pressured to make the decision until you are ready.
You do have choices. Although you may feel that even if you wanted to stay married after an affair, that you could never forgive his infidelity. Here are the choices that this situation has put you in and when you take a look at the big picture, you will be able to make the best decision for you.
Choice #1 - Get Divorced
It's a simple answer to a very complex problem. Getting divorced is an easy thing to say and you could have already said it to your husband in the heat of the moment. When your mad, hurt, angry and sad, you can easily believe that divorce is what is best for you.
No one would blame you and you certainly have a good reason. And if you know for sure that you will never get past your husband's betrayal, you don't love him and you want a new life, divorce could be the answer for you.
Choice #2 - Pretend It Never Happened
This is probably the simplest choice. Living in Denial World can be easy and pretending nothing ever happened may seem like the best choice. Did your husband swear he was sorry and it would never happen again? Did your husband beg you to stay with him, but he did not want to talk about it?
This is certainly the best answer for a husband who wants to stay married. But pretending only puts a band-aid on a gaping wound. You have been betrayed and are in agonizing pain. You may be able to cover it up at times, but it will always show up and never go away.
Of all your choices, this is the worst one. Easy is not right and you will never get past your husband's infidelity until you forgive him and move on.
Choice #3 - Learn How to Move Past Your Husband's Affair
This is not an easy path. I could not be honest and say it would be a simple matter of deciding to forgive him and rebuild your relationship. You have been betrayed and you will have obsessive thoughts about the other woman. Your self-esteem has been crushed and you question everything about yourself. You don't trust your husband and don't know if you ever will.
Should you forgive a cheating husband? Rebuilding your relationship takes work and your husband will have to want to save your marriage as well. But there is help for women like you who have been the victim of infidelity. If you do chose to stay with your husband, forgive and move on, you will need support.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Should You Forgive a Cheating Husband? How to Get Past His Affair
My Husband Never Compliments Me - Is It a Symptom of Something More?
"My husband never compliments me" is a common issue that drives wives crazy. You start feeling insecure and start wondering if he truly loves you. But there are powers at work that could have nothing to do with you...or everything to do with you. How do you tell the difference?
Truth #1 - Sometimes Men Just Forget
Here's the simplest explanation for this problem: men just forget about stuff like this. Maybe he's focused on his job, finances, kids, sports, sex, cars, etc....basically everything except complimenting his wife.
He got you to marry him and now the hard work is done, right? It's probably not intentional and he's just not focused on making you feel good about yourself.
Truth #2 - Is He Showing You Love and Affection In Other Ways?
I'm a firm believer that actions mean more than words alone. Does he tell you he loves you? If his actions tell you he loves you and is attracted to you, you may not need the words.
I know that you want the words, but do you really need them if you're secure in your relationship with your husband?
Truth #3 - Do You Feel He's Lost Interest in You?
Our thoughts can lead us down some very negative paths. If we have concluded that the lack of compliments really means that he's not attracted to us anymore, that can be devastating. But is it really the truth?
How is your sex life? How does he treat you? If he does not give you compliments because he's lost interest and your marriage is truly in trouble, there are steps you can take now to save your marriage.
But if he's never been very complimentary or has gotten out of the habit, then there are steps you can take to spice things up in your relationship.
Truth #4 - How You Treat Him Has a Direct Affect on How He Treats You
It's easy to be the victim in this situation. Your feelings are hurt and you're not feeling very secure in your relationship. But take an honest look at how you treat him. You may be sending off negative energy just because you're upset over this issue or some other problem in your marriage. And he may not even know why you're angry!
You may be the one that is driving him away, when all you really need to do is treat him a bit nicer. The Golden Rule sounds so simple, but it does work. Treat him the way you want to be treated and you will find that your relationship will start to relax and you'll be happier for it.
Is This a Symptom of a Bigger Issue?
Have you been complaining to your girlfriends "My husband never compliments me"? If this is the biggest problem in your relationship, then count your blessings. If this is a symptom of a much bigger problem, there are steps you can take today to improve your marriage. And don't wait, take action today. Don't let this issue come between your marriage and don't build up a layer of resentment about it either. Do something to make things better now, before it turns into a serious issue.
My Husband Never Wants to Make Love - What Not To Do
My Husband Never Wants to Make Love - What Not To Do
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If you just said to yourself "my husband never wants to make love", you are probably feeling rejected, unattractive, hurt, frustrated and maybe even scared that your husband is falling out of love with you. In this situation, there are some things that will definitely help. But perhaps the most important thing to remember is what not to do.
Tip #1 - Never Nag Him About It
First off, no one wants to be hounded about any issue. If you start nagging him about his lack of interest in you, the only accomplishment you will make is driving him further away. This goes for most issues in a marriage, but he will feel backed into a corner. Not turned on.
Hint: You can talk about it with your husband, but have a real conversation not a nagging session.
Tip #2 - Don't Cry About It
Picture a poor wife who feels like her husband doesn't want her anymore. She's probably crying and her body language clearly indicates that she has very low self-confidence at this point.
Husbands hate it when their wives start crying about issues in their marriage. By crying about it and making him feel bad, you will only make yourself look desperate. That is not attractive and will not create any intimacy in your marriage.
Hint: You can show emotions about the subject, but don't create a situation where you feel powerless in your own marriage. The balls are not all in his court.
Tip #3 - Don't Throw Yourself At Him
Perhaps you think if you just tried to initiate sex more often that your husband would want you more. But throwing yourself at him, especially if it's the wrong time, will only embarrass yourself. You can certainly start initiating sex with your husband, but don't throw yourself at him.
Hint: If your reading this, then this is a huge issue for you. But try to make it fun, lighthearted and flirty. Don't take it too seriously if he turns you down.
Tip #4 - Don't Get Mad
When we are hurt and frustrated, we sometimes get angry. It's a defense mechanism and it's easy to take this rejection and get really mad. But this is not the answer to this problem. Getting mad is about the same as nagging and crying. It will only put more distance between you.
Hint: Remember that not everything is about you. There could be outside influences at work (like job stress or health problems). Take an honest look at the situation and see what is really happening.
What To Do Next
Your looking for answers to why "my husband never wants to make love" and it can bring on all kinds of insecurities. But there is help out there for wives who want to make a change in their sex lives and even improve their marriages.
Get Immediate Help Today to Improve Your Sexless Marriage!
Make your husband desperate to be intimate with you! There are specific things that you can do or say that will make your husband crave your touch.
Don't waste another day wishing your love life was more fulfilling. Change it now!
Click Here for Instant Access!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alex_Mckensie
This article has been viewed 29 time(s).
Article Submitted On: April 20, 2011
My Husband Never Touches Me - Improve Your Sexless Marriage Today!
My Husband Never Touches Me - Improve Your Sexless Marriage Today!
Article Word Count: 584 [View Summary] Comments (0)
If you just typed in "My husband never touches me" into a search engine and landed here, you are hurt, frustrated and perhaps scared that your marriage is over. How long has it been since your husband touched you? Each person's situation is different, but if you've somehow lost your husband's physical affections, there are specific things to look at.
Outside Influences
Does your husband have a stressful job? Overworked, overtired and maybe depressed? The perception is that men are always thinking about sex, but this is not always the case. If your husband is in a situation that creates a lot of stress, this can have a direct impact on his sex drive.
Take an honest look at any outside influences that may be affecting your husband's mental health. The fact that your husband never touches you could have nothing to do with you at all.
Stop blaming yourself
If your husband stopped touching you, both in public and in private, most wives automatically blame themselves:
"I've gained weight"
"I'm not as young as I once was"
"I'm just not very attractive"
Don't assume that you know what's in your husband's mind. He could still love you and find you attractive. Of course, you should be taking care of your appearance and taking time to really look good for your husband. But don't assume that the reason you're not having sex with your husband is all about you.
Are You Drifting Apart Outside of the Bedroom?
Women have been conditioned to believe that they are the ones that want an emotional connection. But the truth is that men also need an emotional connection and they can also crave intimacy. Are you spending time with your husband? Do you do anything special together or do you just follow a boring routine? You may need to invest more time into rebuilding the connection with your husband.
Physical issues
When looking at the reasons why your husband is not touching you anymore, you have to look at physical issues your husband may have. If your husband suffers from erectile dysfunction, he may just be avoiding sex because he feels embarrassed/awkward/anxious, etc. There are things that should be treated and the results are generally very good.
Additionally, if your husband has started taking any medication, this can cause a hormonal imbalance which is lowering his sex drive. This can explain why he's not touching you and why his sex drive is diminishing. Consult a doctor about what can be done.
Note: this is a very delicate subject for men. However, with the right support, you can motivate him to seek the treatment he needs.
Spice Things Up In the Bedroom
If you've lost the spark, you obviously have to put some effort into spicing things up in the bedroom. You should never feel pressured into doing something that you feel uncomfortable with, but you can add some variety that will entice your husband.
Too many times, couples fall into a boring routine that fails to excite either of you. There are some great tips to try that will help you get your husband in the mood.
What To Do Next
Don't lose hope because you feel like "My husband never touches me". You can do You can do a lot to cure your sexless marriage and bring back the passion. It is mainly up to how your work to fix your relationship and how you learn how to get the spark back in your marriage.
Get Immediate Help Today to Improve Your Sexless Marriage!
Make your husband desperate to be intimate with you! There are specific things that you can do or say that will make your husband crave your touch.
Don't waste another day wishing your love life was more fulfilling. Change it now!
Click Here for Instant Access!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alex_Mckensie
This article has been viewed 26 time(s).
Article Submitted On: April 20, 2011
What To Do When Your Husband Cheats - How To Survive Your Husband's Infidelity
Who really knows what to do when your husband cheats? Is there really a right or wrong answer? After an affair, you are reeling from the emotional upheaval of your husband's betrayal. Your world has been shattered and you feel physically ill from it. What do you do first to pick up the pieces?
Perhaps you have a family to consider and children that could be impacted by your husband's actions. Your marriage is currently in shreds. Your husband's infidelity could also affect your job because it's so hard to focus on anything else except your overwhelming pain.
But you have two choices: let his affair break you or come out a better, stronger person. The choice is yours. This article will show you how to focus on yourself so that you can get on the path to a healthy rediscovery.
You Can Evolve Out of the Pain of His Affair
And your thinking..."No I cannot!". When you found out, your life seemed to stop and your pain became all that you knew. But life does go on. Bills did not stop coming in and your kids still had baseball practice.
You feel like your world is held together by string. Nothing is the same, yet you're still expected to take care of the kids, do your job and make your car payment on time. And you don't even know if you want to be married to your husband anymore!
Step #1 - Improve Your Damaged Self-Esteem
Your husband's affair has impacted you in ways you never imagined. One of the biggest impacts is the hit your self-confidence has taken. You are filled with self-doubt and you keep wondering why? Is it somehow your fault? Maybe you're just not good enough?
You have to manage these negative thoughts before you can ever move forward. It's like a bad movie is playing in your head 24/7. Self-destructive thoughts are filling your head, yet you can't seem to stop it. Start writing down these negative thoughts and a pattern will emerge. Then make a counter argument that boosts your self-esteem by focusing on your good qualities.
This may seem like psycho-babble, but it truly does work.
Step #2 - Start a Journal
Keeping a journal helps you to have an outlet for the whirlwind thoughts going on in your mind. You can write down happy memories and how you've grown stronger dealing with the curveballs that life has sent you. What you're dealing with now and how you're working to get through it. You can write down your hopes and dreams and what you envision your future to be.
This is a safe place for you to get out your feelings and start to see any new possibilities; even when you think you don't have any happy future to look forward to.
Step #3 - Take Action Today
Yes you're a strong person, but you won't miraculously heal overnight. It takes time and effort. You know what kind of person you want to be. Maybe you want to go back to college to finish your degree? Maybe you want to lose weight or get in shape? Maybe you want to learn something new like sailing, baking or gardening?
Take action to get your life where you want it to be. It will not get there by itself! You have to make it happen!
Create a Better You Outside of You Marriage
Knowing what to do when your husband cheats is obviously a question you never wanted to ask yourself. You could have put a label on yourself and feel that you are only "John's wife" or "Sarah's mother". But that is not you. You are your own person and you define who you are, not the circumstances in your life.
Do not label yourself the "wife that got cheated on"!
My Husband Had an Affair - How Do I Get Over It?
My husband had an affair, how do I get over it? Did you ever think you would have to answer that question? No one imagines on their wedding day that the husband they love so much will end up betraying them with another woman. But if you're reading this, the unthinkable has happened to you and you don't know what to do to get over it.
Phase #1 - Focus On Yourself First
You've probably heard this advice given in different circumstances. You have to focus on yourself and your needs to be a good wife and mother, right? Now is no different and you have to be your top priority.
There is really a simple reason for this. The success of anything you do will depend on how strong you are. You are the foundation in your own life (and your kids) and you have to be a whole, healthy person for this to happen.
You are the victim in this tragedy. Do you really think you could get past anything this major without focusing on healing yourself first? What do airline stewardesses tell you to do first in an accident? Put the oxygen on yourself first and then others. Same principle applies here.
Phase #2 - You Begin to Work and Heal Together
This is obviously a huge challenge and it takes time and effort. You husband has to want to make the marriage work and has to be willing to do some major damage control to make that happen.
This phase is stressful and emotionally exhausting. You will be angry and your husband will have to deal with his own set of issues. You will have setbacks, feel overwhelmed and question if it's really worth it. But this does not mean that you, as a person, are not worth it. You will just be challenged by the raw emotions caused after the devastation of an affair.
Phase #3 - Rebuild Your Marriage
Right now, you may be thinking that your marriage will never be happy again. And that's completely understandable. Getting to Phase 3 takes a lot of time and effort on both sides. You have to be able to communicate your emotions in a positive way and be ready to start rebuilding the foundation of your marriage.
You have to work on transparency and rebuilding trust after the affair. You basically have to wipe the slate clean and re-create a stronger marriage with very defined, clear-cut rules.
What to Do Next
When you say something like "my husband had an affair, how do I get over it?", you will not find one easy answer. It's an incredibly complex situation and takes a lot of time and effort. But if you truly want to survive your husband's infidelity, you have to make a commitment to rebuild your marriage.
