Staying Married After an Affair - Stop Post-Affair Negative Thoughts!

Staying married after an affair takes guts, patience, forgiveness and time. Dealing with the aftermath of an affair makes people feel like they are going crazy. And in a way, you are losing your mind - but it's not permanent. And what you are really dealing with is the loss of control of your own thoughts.

You have been through a huge betrayal: you found out that the person you committed your life to has been unfaithful. It's like being punched in the gut and you are overwhelmed with negative thoughts which are leaving you exhausted. But there are ways to get your thoughts back under control and stop the nightmare of dealing with negative thoughts all the time.

The Affair Nightmare Running Through Your Head 24/7

As your mind races, trying to solve questions like why he did it, who his paramour is, or why you did not have a clue. You start doubting yourself and questioning every aspect of your life.

• Am I that unattractive?
• Did I spend to much time with the kids
• Maybe I'm not successful enough?
• She is probably better at ______ than I will ever be

It's an ugly horror show, and it's persistent. Of course you feel like your losing your mind. When infidelity invades your mind, day and night, its no wonder that you feel like your losing your mind. It's your new reality and its totally unfair.

However, it does not have to be your permanent reality.

Break the Negative Thought Pattern

These negative thoughts become a habit, a pattern that-like any pattern-can be broken. Let's look at ways to help you break this negative thought pattern.

Step 1: Remind Yourself That You Are In Control of Your Thoughts

Many victims of infidelity feel like negative thoughts are something that happens to them. That's why they feel powerless to stop them. Many feel that an outside force is influencing them to happen non-stop.

But you can take back control. It's your mind and you can control what you think about. Write it down or tell yourself over and over - that your mind is your territory and you can control it. Do this until you believe it.

Step 2: Understand The Horror Show

You keep having consistent negative thoughts. The are obviously based on the affair and they are not pleasant. But what are they specifically? Which ones are playing over and over in your head?

Start keeping a journal and write down your obsessive thoughts. By writing negative thought patterns down, they start to lose some of their hold over you. It may sound too easy or too simple, but it's an effective way to start taking back control.

Step 3: Banish Negative Thought Patterns

Now that you know what these negative thought patterns consist of, you can start to banish them from your mind. You may notice that you have some thoughts at a specific time of the day or while you are doing a specific task. Each person will have different solutions to changing the meaning that are associated with your negative thoughts.

For example, if you always find yourself overwhelmed by negative thoughts on your commute to work, change the scenery. Take a different route or listen to a book instead of the radio. Use any means to distract yourself from your constant thoughts concerning the affair. Give that specific time a different focus and one that you don't associate with the affair.

You may feel out of control when it comes to what's going on in your mind, but you can take back control. It's not easy and it takes time. Staying married after an affair is challenging and you will have days where you don't know what to do. Negative thoughts will overwhelm you to the point of being literally sick. But you can get past this and eliminate the horror show that has been playing in your head ever since you found out about the affair.

via ezinearticles.com